Confession: I struggle with self love EVERY SINGLE DAY.
I'm 37. Most times, I'm the oldest of the girls I work with.
All of my colleagues are trendy, beautiful, vibrant and young looking -- and seem to have a matching girl squad of besties who always make time to hang and have fun.
I have too many gray hairs. I now have to color my hair every 8 weeks.
I am not tee-tiny - I have never been small or uber-skinny. But, I'm the heaviest I've ever been right now. I hate getting dressed. I loathe looking at myself in a full length mirror.
My arms are flabby and make me very self conscious because they jiggle when I have to tease clients' hair.
I have always been busty and have never been able to go braless. The majority of my wardrobe consists of flowy black tops.
I have age spots, droopy eyelids and forehead wrinkles and more chins than a Chinese phone book now.
I share all of this because I know many beautiful women struggle with the same self-love issues.
I was venting to my husband the other day about my frustrations and he said to me, "I wish you could see yourself the way I see you."
Just for one day, I wish I were able to see myself through everyone else's eyes. I bet if all of us women could see just how our peers see us, we'd all have a good laugh over how much time we spent worrying about our appearances.
I decided this weekend to sign up for a gym membership. I'm tired of not liking what I see in the mirror.
I want to get healthy... Not for anyone else... Just for myself.
I want to look better. I want to feel better. I don't want to be skinny... I just want to be healthy and fit. I want to be strong and have some muscles.
I want to be a good example to my kids. I want to like myself and be proud of the changes that will happen to my body over the next few weeks, months, and years. Changes that I earned.
I'm finally ready. Enough is enough.
Tomorrow marks the start of a new journey.
New day.
New goals.
Did you happen to join the Y? I know it costs more than other gyms but it is so awesome! We go there 4 to 5 mornings a week. Their child care at the 3 places we go is so good so it's a win-win. Their classes have been so amazing for me. I still wear the same size clothes that I hate but I am physically stronger and mentally I feel stronger too. And while I've only exchanged numbers with one other mom there I've made many connections and don't feel alone when I'm there, good people.
ReplyDeleteYou can do this, you are strong (even if you don't feel like it), you are doing this for the right reasons & you are awesome. Love you.
ReplyDeleteGood luck my love. I think you are beautiful through and through, but I hope you find that inner strength you seek, that we all seek!
ReplyDeleteYou can do this! All it takes is commitment and determination. Find that one challenging fitness goal (5 *real* push-ups, or 1 pull-up, or running for 5 minutes without walking, etc.) and work hard to reach it. Then set another goal! I am by no means "skinny," but I can run long distances and do bodyweight exercises (including push-ups). Seeing the accomplishments I've made fitness-wise (and knowing I have more stamina than most 20/30-year olds) have helped me accept my body! You got this, lady!
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