Showing posts from July, 2014

I Feel Like I'm Losing Myself.

There's been an inner struggle happening lately.
I knew it was only a matter of time before it presented itself.  - After all, this isn't my first go-round raising a baby.
It's no big secret that I was super indecisive about choosing to have another child.
I went back and forth.  - Yes, then no; then no, then yes again.  
I guess I was a realist of some sort.  I knew how hard it is to be a full-time parent to a helpless baby.  I was painfully aware of all the obstacles that come along with having a new baby: sleep-deprivation, ZERO time for yourself and very little energy for / time with your spouse.  I never forgot about those things like I've heard other parents say.
The struggle was real.
I am super career-driven.  I work all the time and LOVE what I do.  My career has only managed to get more and more busy with each passing year and I feel super grateful and blessed for that considering there are makeup artists everywhere in Nashville now.
In addition to being a workaholi…


There are literally YEARS of my life that I remember so little of...  And it's not that I really want to remember them -- after all, they were awful, to say the very least, and consequently, I wasn't too great of a human being back then either.
Whether all the craziness was from depression, alcohol or drugs -- or a nice combination of all three, I don't know for sure.  - But it still amazes me that I actually survived my early twenties.  
I know that I'm truly thankful for God's grace and forgiveness.  - For His divine calculation of bringing Emily into my life when He did.  - For His unconditional love.  - And for the never faltering love and support from my family and friends.  
- Without all of those things, I know I probably wouldn't even be ALIVE today.
I surely wouldn't be the person I am, nor would I have ever been able to LOVE myself for who I've become.  
- And for that I give thanks... Every single day.