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Showing posts from 2016

Perspective

There are two sides to every story...  and my side has been fairly quiet in comparison to the other.

I left the home I shared with my husband in early November.  I didn't take everything I had...  I left several of my belongings and my dogs in hopes that some time apart would clear my head and help me solidify my decisions to make the separation permanent or to want to try harder to save my marriage.

Only a handful of you know that I spent much of the last six years of my life doing just that...  trying to save my marriage.  I realized early on that there were issues that needed to be addressed and worked on together as a team...  as a partnership...  yet, those issues were never met with a sincere desire to fix anything.

In the past 3 years, I mentioned "divorce" to my husband on 3 different occasions...  all 3 times were about a year's time in between.  Each time, I had talked myself down from the cliff and just resided to try harder.

Last year, in August, I was st…

"I think I'm made of stone... I should be feeling more."

So I'm sure some of you may have noticed that I've been cryptic and oh-so emo with my social media posts lately.  I've been flying under the radar a lot these days.

I've told a handful of friends and family that I felt needed to know what was happening right now...  As for the rest of you, I've deflected the questions and ignored numerous calls and texts.


Alan and I have agreed to separate for the time being.

I have officially moved out of our home and am temporarily shacking up with my best friend, Karla, until I can figure out how I want to proceed.

This wasn't an easy decision...  for any of us.

Even though it was ultimately my decision to leave, that doesn't mean it's been all fun, puppy kisses and unicorn farts.  It's been a hard, hard thing to stomach.

The "why" of it is complicated to say the very least...  and you'd probably only understand my reasoning if you were extremely close to me, or spent a substantial amount of time…

Decompression

This past year has been a crazy one.  I don't think I realized just how crazy things were until after everything settled down 2 weeks ago.  
My mom flew in right as Summer was coming to a close to spend time with my nephew before he shipped out to basic training.
That last week of July was already going to be complete insanity without my mom being here. 
I was booked for a ton of work with the Beachbody convention.  
We were trying to get my nephew's room cleaned & packed up.  
Mom also decided we needed to squeeze in a move of all his stuff that was already in a storage unit to a smaller, climate-controlled unit that weekend.
Emily was attending Summer camp during the day and was dealing with a pretty awful cold, so by the time she got home every evening, she was completely wiped out.  
We still needed to go shopping for school supplies and new khaki bottoms because she literally out grew EVERY SINGLE THING we bought her last year.  But we only had time to go at 8pm on the Sunda…

"Maybe You Should Go and Love Yourself"

Confession: I struggle with self love EVERY SINGLE DAY.  
I'm 37.  Most times, I'm the oldest of the girls I work with. 
All of my colleagues are trendy, beautiful, vibrant and young looking -- and seem to have a matching girl squad of besties who always make time to hang and have fun.
I have too many gray hairs.  I now have to color my hair every 8 weeks.
I am not tee-tiny - I have never been small or uber-skinny.  But, I'm the heaviest I've ever been right now.  I hate getting dressed.  I loathe looking at myself in a full length mirror.
My arms are flabby and make me very self conscious because they jiggle when I have to tease clients hair.
I have always had large boobs and have never been able to go braless.  The majority of my wardrobe consists of flowy black tops. 
I'm have age spots, droopy eyelids and forehead wrinkles and more chins than a Chinese phone book now.
I share all of this because I know many beautiful women struggle with the same self-love issue…

"After the Storm"

Some days are easier than others.
•••
I'm a mom.  I run a household full-time - I clean, I cook, I handle the family budget and finances, I go to the grocery, I make sure the pets have food, water and keep up with when they need to go to the vet.  I juggle co-parenting of one of my children with her father.  I juggle several schedules.  I try to accomodate sleepovers.  I volunteer to chaperone field trips.  
•••
I have voluntarily taken on the responsibility of caring for my 19 year old nephew who has lived with us for a year now.  In turn, this has opened my eyes to how everyone in my family has fallen short in regard to his life.  
I have 2 young children -- who have had pretty normal and stable lives.  I wasn't at all prepared to deal with all the issues that come with being a stand-in parent for a child who has had a harder life - emotionally and mentally - than most adults I know - at the mere age of 18.  
In taking him into our home, it's added to the stress I imagine most…