Last year wasn't as much of a doozie of a year for me as it was for some of my other friends, but it was definitely filled with many changes, trials and tribulations.
I didn't write many blogs last year... mainly because I didn't have much down time, nor did I have the extra mental capacity to put my thoughts down into any kind of coherent form. Seriously... I'm amazed (and forever grateful) that my boyfriend hung in there by my side despite all of the crazy.
***First Semester Back after 20+ Years**
So yeah, last year, I got the proverbial kick in the ass I needed to FINALLY pursue going back to college. The company I had part-timed with for 10 years closed the store I was working at and didn't want to pay me what I'm worth to move to one of the other locations.
I didn't realize it then, but that whole transition effected me much deeper than I thought it did/could/would. It was like I had been stabbed in the heart. I had given so much of myself... my time, my talent, my energy - to this company, and after everything, they just didn't see the worth of keeping me on board.
The store closed in May... I started school in August. I went into the semester optimistic and despite all the challenges I encountered during those few months, I finished strong.
***My Personal Struggles with Depression***
In the middle of my semester, I had some personal struggles with depression, anxiety and stress. I restarted therapy and counseling. At the recommendation of my therapist, I made an appointment to see a psychiatrist just to be sure the combination of anti-depression and anti-anxiety meds I was currently getting from my general practitioner were the right combo for me. I actually just had that first appointment with the psychiatrist today. She's prescribed me a mood-stabilizing medication to take along with the anti-depressant/anxiety medication I'm already on. So now we just have to wait and see how it works for me.
Therapy has helped a ton, especially since I've always been notorious for bottling everything up and speaking to no one about my problems. - And in the midst of juggling classes, homework, raising Littles, and still trying to work on occasion, many of my friendships had fallen to the wayside due to lack of free time.
So while I was in the throes of scheduled chaos (aka Classes, Single Moming, Working), I started listening to several podcasts, as well as a couple of self-help books during my commute into and from school. The act of honing in and focusing on real conversations about real life trials and victories definitely helped me so freaking much. I also purchased a therapy light and that has had a noticeably positive effect on my emotional well-being.
Though I've been trying to better manage my personal struggles to the best of my ability, Emily just pointed out on Sunday that I have a bald spot on my scalp from stress-related hair loss. So with that discovery, I've set into motion some plans to help me better manage my stress with the coming year.
***My Littles***
Emily and Xander both are doing great in school. Emily will be 14 at the end of this month. And Xander just celebrated his 5th birthday in December. His speech has just taken off. He's adjusted to the blended classroom setting at his current school and is doing very well. We are currently working hard on toilet training - which has been a challenge. But we're working on it and we're making progress so that's all I can ask for.
***My Intentions for 2019***
1. To be intentional about self-care.
What this looks like to me:
- Exercising more frequently - not to be skinny - but just to be healthy.
- Opting to workout / be active when I'm feeling stressed or anxiety-ridden.
- Slowing down my "Yes" and actually saying "No" to situations that will cause more stress than enjoyment in my life - whether it be work, or play - and NOT feeling guilty or like I have to provide some long-winded explanation as to why.
- Finding a church home for myself and my kids.
- Scheduling and actually taking them - mental breaks - a weekend off, a massage, or spa day, budget-friendly mini-vacations.
2. To continue this journey of emotional healing.
- Continue to go to therapy.
- Continue to share my story.
- Continue to keep moving forward.
3. Apply and get accepted into a nursing program by Fall semester.
- Take my 3 classes Spring semester. Finish with all A's & B's.
- Take A&P 2 Summer A, then Microbiology Summer B.
4. Get Xander fully toilet trained and ready for Kindergarten in the Fall.
5. To lose some weight.
- Finding a meal prep plan & schedule that is easy to maintain when school and life get bananas.
- Get a grasp on my A1C levels, reverse this diabetes diagnosis, and get off of Metformin.
- Schedule workouts on the calendar and treat them with the same importance as I do client / work obligations.
6. To make more time for fun.
- With my kids.
- With my friends.
- With myself.
7. To pick my battles more carefully.
- Alter my over-analyzing habits.
- Redirect my insecurities.
8. Be more positive.
- Surround myself with positive, energetic people.
- Be more intentional about what I put out into the universe.
- If I wouldn't say it to a friend, then don't say it about myself.
