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Showing posts from 2014

I Feel Like I'm Losing Myself.

There's been an inner struggle happening lately.
I knew it was only a matter of time before it presented itself.  - After all, this isn't my first go-round raising a baby.
It's no big secret that I was super indecisive about choosing to have another child.
I went back and forth.  - Yes, then no; then no, then yes again.  
I guess I was a realist of some sort.  I knew how hard it is to be a full-time parent to a helpless baby.  I was painfully aware of all the obstacles that come along with having a new baby: sleep-deprivation, ZERO time for yourself and very little energy for / time with your spouse.  I never forgot about those things like I've heard other parents say.
The struggle was real.
I am super career-driven.  I work all the time and LOVE what I do.  My career has only managed to get more and more busy with each passing year and I feel super grateful and blessed for that considering there are makeup artists everywhere in Nashville now.
In addition to being a workaholi…


There are literally YEARS of my life that I remember so little of...  And it's not that I really want to remember them -- after all, they were awful, to say the very least, and consequently, I wasn't too great of a human being back then either.
Whether all the craziness was from depression, alcohol or drugs -- or a nice combination of all three, I don't know for sure.  - But it still amazes me that I actually survived my early twenties.  
I know that I'm truly thankful for God's grace and forgiveness.  - For His divine calculation of bringing Emily into my life when He did.  - For His unconditional love.  - And for the never faltering love and support from my family and friends.  
- Without all of those things, I know I probably wouldn't even be ALIVE today.
I surely wouldn't be the person I am, nor would I have ever been able to LOVE myself for who I've become.  
- And for that I give thanks... Every single day.

3 Months

Xander is 3 months now.  He's officially graduated the "newborn" stage and entered "infant" status.
Our lives have started to reach a new sense of "normalcy" now that he's adjusted better to life outside the womb.
The nursing has finally gotten a lot easier - not second nature yet, but it's getting there. 
I'm still on modified maternity leave... Meaning I'm only trying to work every other weekend right now.  That's proving to be a challenge for my workaholic nature.
I had tubal surgery at the end of February and am very confident that I made the right decision for me.  I love my kids sooo much, but don't think I'm cut out to be a mom 3 or 4 times over.  Two is definitely enough!
I don't know how moms of multiples (twins / triplets) do it.  I'm envious of their strength, patience and perseverance!
I only have one helpless one and one that is a big help and I still feel like a crazy person sometimes!
- And I now remember wh…

2 Months - Postpartum

Apparently this blog is turning into a Mommy Blog... That wasn't my intention, but I'm now a semi-SAHM with nothing to do but take care of a baby. So that leaves me nothing to talk about but the baby, of course!

Xander is 2 months old as of yesterday.

9 weeks old today.

He weighed almost 13lbs at his last appointment. He's scheduled for his 2 month checkup (with 4 shots) next week. I'm curious to see how much he's gained. He is quite the Chunky Monkey!

In the last week or two he's started smiling, laughing and carrying on cooing conversations with his loved ones. - And he still has a full head of hair that is almost always a mess.

He really likes bath time! -- But the getting out and drying off part is a whole other story!

He's getting really good at holding his head up and I don't think it will be long before he has good control of his head and neck!

He still isn't going to bed at a decent hour (I think he's got his days and nights slightly mix…

Stuff No One Tells You About Labor, Delivery & the Aftermath of Raising A Newborn.

1) Birthing a child is major trauma to your body.

I delivered Xander at 2pm, got to spend all of 20 minutes -- if that -- with my newborn before they took him away to the nursery - along with my husband.

I was alone, covered in blood from the waist down and had yet to be cleaned and re-dressed after delivery. -- If you opt for an epidural, you have to wait for it to wear off before you can walk (escorted by nurses) to the bathroom for clean up.

Our family and friends started arriving at 4pm.

If I had it to do all over again, I would have opted for everyone to come the next day rather than 2 hours after I delivered. - Not that I'm ungrateful about everyone coming out, but like I said, birthing a human being is some serious trauma to your body.

- We had 11 people in our room at one point (not including Alan & myself) all waiting to see the baby - who wasn't even back from the nursery yet -- and everyone had to be shooed out of the room so the nurses could help me get c…