Monday, April 5, 2010

"Everything's changing and I don't feel the same."

March has come and gone. Man, what an intense month. My world quite literally, got flipped-turned-upside-down.

It's been one full month plus three days since my surgery. I can honestly say I feel like a new person. This surgery did, indeed, change my life. Praise God for that.

Now, pending another run of extensive blood work at the end of this month, I may actually have some conclusive answers to all of my health issues that have been plaguing me over the past five years. That, in itself, makes my insides flutter with overwhelming excitement.

I've procured a new vehicle with the help of my amazing mom. Yes, I said "Amazing." She does, in fact, amaze me, even despite the obvious stress and frustration she causes me on a very regular basis. The important thing I've had to learn and, more importantly, accept is that despite her very abrasive nature, she DOES love me and she's doing it the only way she knows how to. Parenting is a never-ending learning process... sadly it's taken me 31 years to acknowledge that small but simple fact, and yet, even though I am very aware that I will make many, many mistakes of my own with my child; I still am not quite ready to accept that I will often fail at my personal goal of being a mother unlike my own.

It's been a whirlwind, this life of mine, recently.

Over the past year, I've experienced a wide range of emotions that have shifted my thinking and have forever changed me. I'm talking about complete, utter failure in every single aspect of my life. - Lest we not forget the single, biggest heartbreak I've ever experienced, and evidently, successfully endured. - And the countless, seemingly unconquerable, obstacles I've encountered during this ridiculously long journey of passionately chasing down my dream for makeup artistry, beauty and fashion.

Being at the start of the downhill side of things now, I recognize that I am, indeed, a fighter. I haven't given up. I haven't quit. I'm making it through, though at times, not as gracefully as I would have liked, but all in all, I'm fighting through it and here I am. Renewed. Happy. Hopeful. And ridiculously excited about my future with those people who I am so very lucky to have in my life.

In closing, I'll leave you with a quote from Rocky Balboa. "It ain't about how hard ya hit. It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. - How much you can take and keep moving forward. - That's how winning is done!"