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Showing posts from March, 2010

"For a lonely soul, you're having such a nice time."

A few very personal resolutions I've decided to work towards in light of the fast approach of my 31st year:

(A) To trust more willingly and freely until given a reason to not do so.

(B) To spend more of my time actually living my life, and less time (1) worrying over things I can not control, (2) fearing the outcome of events yet to happen, and (3) incessantly trying to force MY vision of how I think things should unfold onto myself as well as others I choose to enter into a relationship with.

(C) To get comfortable with being completely alone - with myself, with my plethora of thoughts and emotions and ridiculous self-destructive thought processes. To not feel compelled to fill the void in my heart with meaningless relationships simply to serve as a distraction from the hurt and pain that I still feel even a year later.

And surprisingly enough - sadly enough - all of these are related; they intertwine with one another and constantly feed off of each other on a very regular basis.


"Day One, Day One... Start over again..."

Deep breath in... Slow exhale out.

Funny story, I've always been a writer. Clarity always came to me when I did write... and for awhile there, after I became a mom, I was writing regularly... and it helped me tremendously.

But for the last few years, I had completely abandoned that vice. - Deleted my Myspace blog, and pretty much failed to keep up with any of my personal writings there after.

The past three years in particular have been trying, to say the very least. 2008 quite literally kicked my rear-end all over the place in every sense of the word. I was taken DOWN.

My first real bout with unemployment took place in the latter part of 2008 thus beginning the personal struggle between my heart and my head. Following my heart meant struggling - giving up a career in a field with plenty of job security to pursue my passion. - And as a single mother, this wasn't an easy sacrifice. Not only have I had to sacrifice, but my daughter has had to as well... more than she shoul…