Recipe: Pumpkin Curry Soup

It's soup season!  Yay!  

I've made a variation of this soup before, and I used a plethora of different ingredients in that batch - like a whole cheese pumpkin, butternut squash, a medley of gourds, radishes, carrots...  you can use whatever you like, really, because it's all going to be blended up at the end - so your picky-eater-friends or family members won't have any substantial evidence that a whole bunch of healthy stuff went into it.  

But seriously, cooking is really easy to adjust and tailor to your individual tastes!  I hope to inspire + encourage all of you to start looking at recipes as a general guideline to keep you on track, but be adventurous about adding more of the things you like to it to give it your own personal flare!

Okay, enough gabbing...  here's the recipe + instructions for what I did this go around:

  From the PRODUCE section:

2-4 Large Carrots - Or more. 

4 Small Sweet Potatoes - You can use anything you prefer - any kind of potatoes, radishes, turnips, cauliflower, more carrots- or a mix of everything!

4 Small Pumpkins - 2 were white, 2 were orange.  They were in a netted bag at my local Piggly Wiggly.  And by "small", I mean they each fit in the palm of my hand.  

  - I had initially planned to do this batch of soup with Butternut Squash, but "The Pig" is pretty darn BASIC and runs on a much smaller scale than the bigger grocery stores.  - Additionally, I had my Little Man with me and honestly just didn't feel like making anymore stops, so I improvised with what they had on hand.

1 Small Yellow Onion

3 Cloves of Garlic or a Big Ole Tablespoonful of already minced Garlic

1 Small Piece of Ginger Root - Like a chunk about the size of your thumb.

1 Parsley Bunch (If you don't dig ginger or parsley, you do you, Boo - and leave it out.)

Other things from the Grocery that you'll need:

1 tablespoon of Coconut Oil

2 - 14.5oz Containers of Low-Sodium Chicken Broth (I used 1 full container + 1/2 of the other)

1 teaspoon of Cumin

2 tablespoons of Red Curry Powder

2 tablespoons of Hot Madras Curry Powder

1/2 teaspoon of Crushed Red Pepper to taste - optional

1/4 teaspoon of Cayenne Pepper to taste - optional

1/2 teaspoon of Salt to taste - you may use more or less salt - depending on the type of broth you choose to use.

1/4 teaspoon of Ground Black Pepper to taste

Steps:

1) Start with your broth in a large pot on med-high heat.  

2) Prep your vegetables of choice:  - This is the only thing that takes some work.  

I'm SUPER lucky because my Husband loves to cook and has WAYYYYYYY better knife skills than I do.  #Winning - The last time I made this soup, I did everything myself and it was a lot of work - mainly because I was trying to use everything that came in my CSA Farm Box from Green Door Gourmet.  Ha!  - Plus I didn't own a hand immersion blender at the time, so I had to do the pot-to-blender-blender-to-pot shuffle several times.  That was a huge pain in the bum, but it was still worth it.

    Wash + peel carrots and potatoes.  Cut into chunks.  

    Cut + de-seed pumpkins, gourds, squash.  Cut into chunks.

    Put everything into the pot of broth.  

    Add 1/2 of Curry Powder + 1/2 of Hot Madras Curry Powder, Crushed Red Pepper, Cayenne Pepper, Salt + Pepper to pot.  

    Bring to boil.  

3) While waiting for pot to boil, chop up onion, garlic, ginger + parsley.

    Heat coconut oil in pan.

    Add onions, garlic, ginger and parsley 

    Add the rest of Curry Powder + Hot Madras Curry Powder

    Sautee until tender then add to pot.

4) Bring pot to a boil, then reduce heat and simmer 20 minutes - then start checking + stirring every 10 minutes after that.  Total time I simmered was about 45 minutes.

5) Once the vegetable chunks are soft enough to go through an immersion blender, start blending away.          If you don't own a hand immersion blender, it's okay!  You can CAREFULLY transfer soup to a regular blender.  You will most likely have to do several portions in the blender depending on your blender capacity and how much soup you've made.  But this is the immersion blender we have. :) 

6) If the soup isn't at your desired consistency, feel free to add any of the following to the pot and blend again.  

            . Water

           .  Coconut Milk - Or any milk, really.  

           .  More Broth

            . Heavy Whipping Cream

        Ours was a little thick so we added 1 Cup of Water and 1 Cup of Coconut-Almond Milk.

7) Serve hot.  

I topped our bowls with some pumpkin seeds and coconut slivers I had leftover from some baking we did during quarantine.  

The Husband suggested toasting the coconut next time - but he's always a little extra when it comes to cooking.  Ha!  

Toasted up a nice baguette from Kroger and Voila!  

We cleaned our bowls and have tons leftover!  Score!  

I usually put a container or two in the freezer to enjoy later without having to go through all the work of making another pot!

If you get inspired to try it, PLEASE share your version with the world and tag me so I can steal some of your ideas to make mine better!  :)

Enjoy!  

Quarantine Reflections

It's no big secret that I’m guilty of keeping myself so busy.

I am constantly juggling so many full plates.


So what happens when the world gives you no other choice but to S   L   O   W down?


This quarantine has helped me see a lot of things differently than I had before.


The first being:
I have ZERO business teaching children. MAJOR props go out to all the educators in my life - and in the world. The patience you all exhibit on the daily is mind-boggling. You all are amazing, saintly people.


When the busy-ness of the world stops all together, what's really left in your life?

I'll tell you what: The important stuff. The people in your life. YOUR PEOPLE.

Your kids. Your family - blood related (or in my case - mostly - not). Your friends.

The people who make it a daily thing to check in and make sure that you are really doing okay.


There’s no doubt that I am *beyond* ready to get back to work, and to get back to a sense of "normalcy" in life - but it won't be at the expense of my friendships. In a time of crazy uncertainty and strict social distancing, it's kind of amazing to me that my friendships have grown so much stronger over the last 2 months.

When the entire world shuts down, your job - or work - isn’t there to give you comfort, or cheer you on, or allow you to complain, vent, laugh, cry - or all of the above - together (via Marco Polo) - but your friends are.

That being said, I am so thankful for technology.

I can not even begin to imagine going through this kind of thing back when dial up internet was the "it" thing - before laptops, and high speed internet, Wifi, and affordable cell service - SMART phones (remember when texts used to cost .25 cents per text?!?), and Netflix (and alllllllllll the other streaming platforms), and Amazon Prime, and all the virtual meeting programs and apps that help us stay "connected" to one another. We are so very fortunate.


This quarantine has definitely made me rethink my priorities.


College-ing during this quarantine has definitely been more of a challenge than I had anticipated.  -Heck, who am I kidding, my whole adult college experience has been way harder than I thought it would be. I knew it would be hard, but I had no idea it would be this freaking hard.

The transition to all online mid-semester has been an utter train wreck. I've cried and cried - and cried some more - over my grades, the material I'm required to know, the inability to study & stay caught up all the while trying to educate my own kids. The feelings of incompetence, inadequacy, and extreme MOM GUILT are a very real, daily struggle. It's been so hard.


I've got to learn to give myself some grace.

My classes are insane. The material is so overwhelming and it's all being crammed into this last week of classes, then it's finals the week after.

My kids are bored. My autistic son doesn't understand why we can't go places like we normally do or buy special toys anymore. They're cooped up in this tiny house with no space of their own to retreat to.

It's all been a stressful culmination of events with the added stresses of still having bills to pay with little to no money coming in and no real knowledge on when we'll all be able to work again.


Have I yelled and screamed at everyone in my house more often than normal?
Absolutely.

Have I cried on the daily?
Yes.

Have I had more frequent days of staying in bed - literally all day - when the kids are with their dads - because my emotional and mental health felt completely depleted?
You bet your bottom, I did.

Have I gained weight due to my lack of exercise and stress eating?
One look at my additional chins should tell you that is NOT a lie.

Could I have handled the hurtful, and stressful situations I have encountered lately better?
Absolutely yes.


I fail at things daily... multiple times a day.  I feel each and everyone of those failures tenfold - especially when it involves lashing out at my kids and loved ones.

It's hard. I feel a lot of guilt. I feel like an inadequate mom more often than not these days.

But I'm trying to give myself a daily reminder - and my friends have been great at reminding me too - that this situation wasn't anything we could have adequately prepared for. It's okay to be a Hot Mess. It's okay to breakdown. It's okay to lose your temper. It's okay to not have all the answers.


We're doing the best we can.

You're doing the best you can.

I am doing the best I can,

... and that is all that's being asked of us to do.

Real Talk: Parenting + Autism

My oldest is loud, boisterous, energetic, dramatic, spastic, and silly about 99.7% of the time.

She’s rarely ever quiet... unless she’s asleep or not feeling well.

I love that about her.

She makes me laugh constantly - even when I’m mad or frustrated with her, I can’t help but laugh at some of the silly things she does or says.
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My youngest has sensory issues.
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Tonight I experienced a real LIGHT BULB Moment:

Her loud, overly-dramatic, hyper-activity - more often than not - triggers his sensory issues.
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No wonder life seems so stressful and chaotic when we’re all home together.
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When they leave for their dads’ - I tend to hole up in my bedroom to decompress and sleep as much as I can.  I didn’t understand why I felt so depleted or why I could literally stay in bed all. dang. day. on the days they weren’t here if I didn’t have work or school stuff to get me out of bed.  I didn’t understand any of that until tonight.

What started as a mildly stressful evening quickly escalated to an uncomfortable tension that ended with all of us being sent to separate corners of the house for a few minutes to regroup and decompress.

A Positive that came from it:
I opted to turn it all into a teachable moment.
I had her look up “sensory issues” and “autism”.
I made her read what she found out loud and then asked her what she took away from what she had just read.  I asked her to apply it to her and her brother.

I shared with her some of the thought processes and constant worries I struggle with privately.
- Daily worries about his nutrition.
- Daily worries about his safety.
- Daily worries about his education and his future.

I told her about the process I started months ago of trying to get her brother qualified for other therapies outside of school to increase his chances of living and leading a normal life.
- Endless phone calls, emails, and applications.
- Incessant research for information and resources.
- The constant worry of: Am I doing the right thing? Am I doing enough?
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Tonight could have easily been a train wreck.
We all could have gone to bed angry, hurt, frustrated, and sad.
But because I was able to share some of my biggest fears, concerns, and failures as a mother with my daughter, things were diffused from a place of utter frustration to a place of understanding.
I’m blessed that she was open to listening.  She truly wanted to gain a better understanding about her brother’s issues.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again:
Mom-ing ain’t easy, but I am feeling so lucky that I get to be their Mom.

Unlovable

3 years ago today, a dream of mine died. 

Prince.  

It may sound silly, but Prince was my one HUGE, maybe even unattainable, goal in my career as a makeup artist.  He truly was the driving force behind my wanting to be a makeup artist.  

What can I say?  I've always told myself to dream BIG.

3 years ago...    My biggest dream died.  

Not long after that, my dream of being happily married and content with my ex-husband died as well.

I officially abandoned my marriage in November of 2016.

It wasn't an easy decision.  I struggled - and still am struggling - with the decision. 

 Did I do the right thing?  Are my kids going to be okay?  Are we all going to be okay?

2017 rolled in.  

That July, I miraculously was able to close on my first home...  alone.

Business was steady.  

I was still part-timing at the local beauty boutique I had been part-timing with for the last 10 years.

Life was manageable for the most part.  

2018 rolled in.  

I was happy.  

I was working like crazy... and those of you who know me, know that I'm happiest when I'm being productive and making money to take care of my family.

I think it was sometime in late March or early April that we got the news of our store's plan to close.  

For several of us, it felt like the rug of security had been yanked right out from under our feet.  - Not only that, but the way the company handled the last few weeks was pure hell on the few of us that agreed to stay on till the very end.  It was miserable and felt like a huge slap in the face - especially after I had given so much of my time, talent, and life to the company.

Mother's Day was the last day open.  I worked my last shift and vowed never to go back to the company no matter how hard times got.  I was done.

It was during that last month that I had made the decision to go back to college and pursue my Nursing degree.  It was something I had gone back and forth with over the past several years.  Losing my job just gave me the proverbial kick in the ass to finally do it.  

That August, Xander started a full-time Pre-K program, and I started my first semester back at college after a 20 plus year hiatus.  

I feel like that's when everything started unraveling.  

The stress of school, single-mom-ing, homework, finances, passing Statistics... literally made me feel like I was certifiably crazy.

I didn't realize it at the time, but losing my job had been a huge blow to my self-esteem.  

My freelancing career had also taken a few blows.

Photographers that had used me as their first call makeup artist for the past several years started calling other artists.

I started feeling obsolete.  Like my time as a legitimate makeup artist was up.  

I fell into a deeper depression and sought help from medical professionals.  

I started seeing my therapist again.  She suggested seeing a psychiatrist. 

I started a new mood-stabilizing medication.  I purchased a light therapy lamp.  I started several supplements and CBD oil.  I was fighting to get better.

I finalized my first semester back with an A, and 2 B's... and 3 small circular bald patches on my scalp from the stress of it all.

The holidays came and went.  

2019 rolled in.

Slow season was / has been slower than any past slow season I've experienced in the 12 years I've been a professional makeup artist.  

My second semester started and I quickly realized that this Anatomy & Physiology class was going to be the straw that breaks the mama-llama's back...  and it did, and it has.  

If making shitty grades and failing every single test in a class that you're actually studying and trying to do well in doesn't make you feel like a hardcore loser, I don't know what will.  It's been a struggle to say the least.

The semester is almost over.  Less than 2 weeks left.  I've decided to take the summer off from classes to rest and regroup.

My relationship has taken a direct hit from all the highs and very low lows of the past year and a half.  

"I used to be happy," he says.  

He's absolutely right.  

I used to know exactly what direction I wanted my life to go.

I had substantial goals and BIG dreams. 

I rarely had to worry about not having enough work on the books.

I used to be in a position to help people, and to help animals.

I wasn't a struggling college student racking up student loan debt, worrying about whether or not I am smart enough to actually become a nurse.

I used to be happy...  but I've been stuck in this downward spiral that I haven't been able to pull myself out of.  

Dreamless...  

Listless...  

Loveless...

A Prayer of My Heart

A man who will take me to church with him every week.

A man who prays for me and with me.

A man who is proud to claim me: in person, in public, on social media, in times of temptation.

A man who plans ahead and carves out time for the 2 of us to reconnect.

A man who loves my children as his own, sees the importance of weekly family nights spent together and makes adjustments to schedules to make it happen - without fail.

A man who will cook with me, and dance with me in the kitchen.

A man who will fight for me, and with me - in a healthy, loving way - and not allow us to go to bed angry. 

A man who will be a partner, a confidant, a best friend.  My safe place.  My person.

2019

First and foremost, I'm just so thankful to be alive. 

Last year wasn't as much of a doozie of a year for me as it was for some of my other friends, but it was definitely filled with many changes, trials and tribulations.

I didn't write many blogs last year...  mainly because I didn't have much down time, nor did I have the extra mental capacity to put my thoughts down into any kind of coherent form.  Seriously...  I'm amazed (and forever grateful) that my boyfriend hung in there by my side despite all of the crazy.  

***First Semester Back after 20+ Years**

So yeah, last year, I got the proverbial kick in the ass I needed to FINALLY pursue going back to college.  The company I had part-timed with for 10 years closed the store I was working at and didn't want to pay me what I'm worth to move to one of the other locations.

I didn't realize it then, but that whole transition effected me much deeper than I thought it did/could/would.  It was like I had been stabbed in the heart.  I had given so much of myself... my time, my talent, my energy - to this company, and after everything, they just didn't see the worth of keeping me on board.

The store closed in May...  I started school in August.  I went into the semester optimistic and despite all the challenges I encountered during those few months, I finished strong.

***My Personal Struggles with Depression***

In the middle of my semester, I had some personal struggles with depression, anxiety and stress. I restarted therapy and counseling.  At the recommendation of my therapist, I made an appointment to see a psychiatrist just to be sure the combination of anti-depression and anti-anxiety meds I was currently getting from my general practitioner were the right combo for me.  I actually just had that first appointment with the psychiatrist today.  She's prescribed me a mood-stabilizing medication to take along with the anti-depressant/anxiety medication I'm already on.  So now we just have to wait and see how it works for me.

Therapy has helped a ton, especially since I've always been notorious for bottling everything up and speaking to no one about my problems.  - And in the midst of juggling classes, homework, raising Littles, and still trying to work on occasion, many of my friendships had fallen to the wayside due to lack of free time.

So while I was in the throes of scheduled chaos (aka Classes, Single Moming, Working), I started listening to several podcasts, as well as a couple of self-help books during my commute into and from school.  The act of honing in and focusing on real conversations about real life trials and victories definitely helped me so freaking much.  I also purchased a therapy light and that has had a noticeably positive effect on my emotional well-being.

Though I've been trying to better manage my personal struggles to the best of my ability, Emily just pointed out on Sunday that I have a bald spot on my scalp from stress-related hair loss.  So with that discovery, I've set into motion some plans to help me better manage my stress with the coming year.

***My Littles***

Emily and Xander both are doing great in school.  Emily will be 14 at the end of this month.  And Xander just celebrated his 5th birthday in December.  His speech has just taken off.  He's adjusted to the blended classroom setting at his current school and is doing very well.  We are currently working hard on toilet training - which has been a challenge.  But we're working on it and we're making progress so that's all I can ask for.

***My Intentions for 2019***

1. To be intentional about self-care.  

What this looks like to me:

- Exercising more frequently - not to be skinny - but just to be healthy.

- Opting to workout / be active when I'm feeling stressed or anxiety-ridden.

- Slowing down my "Yes" and actually saying "No" to situations that will cause more stress than enjoyment in my life - whether it be work, or play - and NOT feeling guilty or like I have to provide some long-winded explanation as to why.

- Finding a church home for myself and my kids.

- Scheduling and actually taking them - mental breaks - a weekend off, a massage, or spa day, budget-friendly mini-vacations.

2. To continue this journey of emotional healing.

- Continue to go to therapy.

- Continue to share my story.

- Continue to keep moving forward.

3. Apply and get accepted into a nursing program by Fall semester.

- Take my 3 classes Spring semester.  Finish with all A's & B's.

- Take A&P 2 Summer A, then Microbiology Summer B.

4. Get Xander fully toilet trained and ready for Kindergarten in the Fall.  

5. To lose some weight.

- Finding a meal prep plan & schedule that is easy to maintain when school and life get bananas.

- Get a grasp on my A1C levels, reverse this diabetes diagnosis, and get off of Metformin.

- Schedule workouts on the calendar and treat them with the same importance as I do client / work obligations.

6. To make more time for fun.

- With my kids.

- With my friends.

- With myself.

7. To pick my battles more carefully.  

- Alter my over-analyzing habits.

- Redirect my insecurities.

8. Be more positive.

- Surround myself with positive, energetic people.

- Be more intentional about what I put out into the universe.  

- If I wouldn't say it to a friend, then don't say it about myself.

Nobody Said it Was Easy.

I've been crying on and off for most of the past two days.

I can't really pinpoint why, but I just feel so fragile.

... so alone...

... so lost...

This was my first official week being off after the past crazy 6 weeks of hell at the market.

I slept a lot.  - And I mean A LOT.

I needed it.

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I don't think anyone grows up thinking, "I'm going to get married, then divorced, then remarried, then divorced again, and buy my first home as a single mom of 2, and maybe, you know, decide to abandon my career of 11 years and go back to school to change careers - yet again - after my 39th birthday."

- But here I am.

Things are moving along though.

I've started the process of getting things set to go back to school in the Fall.  I'm finally going to pursue nursing. 

I've been doing makeup and hair professionally for 11 years now...  and I've seen this industry become so saturated as of late.  I'm tired of hustling so hard and seeing other newbie artists getting amazing gigs just because of who they know.

It's sad... and sobering... and has made me reevaluate my skill set and talent from every single angle - and even second guess myself... making me doubt myself, and question if I'm even good enough to be doing makeup anymore.

It's a real crummy feeling.

But I've made peace with the fact that my dream of going on the road with an artist just isn't going to happen right now...  and even if it did, I don't have the support system around me and the kids any longer to allow me to go.

So that being said, I've got my kids to raise and ultimately just want to be able to afford them a comfortable life.

- And lately, it's been a struggle to do just that.
 
My house has a long list of things that need work on or repairs or remodeling...  and I have zero ideas on where to start or how to begin.

I don't have a dad...  or a brother... or handy DIY-savvy friends to help me tackle projects.

I can't even get one of my ex-husband's to come help me move a freaking table from work... even after offering to pay them for their time AND fill up their gas tank in their trucks.

I purchased a new sofa and loveseat set last week and I've had to enlist the help of my freaking lawn guy just to arrange getting it to the house sometime this upcoming week.

So yeah, these past couple of weeks have been eye opening in a lot of different ways.

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Making a house into a livable, stable home wasn't meant to be a one person job.

Raising little humans wasn't meant to be a one person job either.  - And having a child with speech delays makes it even more challenging and exhausting at times.

It really does take a village.

...and trust...

...and reliability...

- But that last one seems to be the big kicker.

I don't know why it still surprises me...  because it really was never there to begin with.
- Facebook "On this Day" is a constant reminder of that.

This speech program Xander's been in for the past month is doing amazing things for him.  I see it - and hear it - every single day I get to spend with Xander.  - You'd think getting him there every. single. day. would be a no-brainer, right? 

- But again, why am I surprised?

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I keep looking for change.

I keep expecting change.

- And I think that's where my problem lies...

"The best way to avoid disappointment is to not expect anything for anyone."

Expectations lead to disappointment.

Disappointment robs my life of joy.

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If I accept that I don't have a village...

If I accept that I no longer have anyone to have expectations of...

If I accept that it's just me...

- then there won't be anyone else that's able to let me down... except for me.

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I'm on my own.

I'm making the necessary changes in my life to better my situation long term for me and my kids.

It's not going to be easy.

But I'm feeling somewhat ready to accept the changes and embrace the process with God's help.
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