Quarantine Reflections

It's no big secret that I’m guilty of keeping myself so busy.

I am constantly juggling so many full plates.


So what happens when the world gives you no other choice but to S   L   O   W down?


This quarantine has helped me see a lot of things differently than I had before.


The first being:
I have ZERO business teaching children. MAJOR props go out to all the educators in my life - and in the world. The patience you all exhibit on the daily is mind-boggling. You all are amazing, saintly people.


When the busy-ness of the world stops all together, what's really left in your life?

I'll tell you what: The important stuff. The people in your life. YOUR PEOPLE.

Your kids. Your family - blood related (or in my case - mostly - not). Your friends.

The people who make it a daily thing to check in and make sure that you are really doing okay.


There’s no doubt that I am *beyond* ready to get back to work, and to get back to a sense of "normalcy" in life - but it won't be at the expense of my friendships. In a time of crazy uncertainty and strict social distancing, it's kind of amazing to me that my friendships have grown so much stronger over the last 2 months.

When the entire world shuts down, your job - or work - isn’t there to give you comfort, or cheer you on, or allow you to complain, vent, laugh, cry - or all of the above - together (via Marco Polo) - but your friends are.

That being said, I am so thankful for technology.

I can not even begin to imagine going through this kind of thing back when dial up internet was the "it" thing - before laptops, and high speed internet, Wifi, and affordable cell service - SMART phones (remember when texts used to cost .25 cents per text?!?), and Netflix (and alllllllllll the other streaming platforms), and Amazon Prime, and all the virtual meeting programs and apps that help us stay "connected" to one another. We are so very fortunate.


This quarantine has definitely made me rethink my priorities.


College-ing during this quarantine has definitely been more of a challenge than I had anticipated.  -Heck, who am I kidding, my whole adult college experience has been way harder than I thought it would be. I knew it would be hard, but I had no idea it would be this freaking hard.

The transition to all online mid-semester has been an utter train wreck. I've cried and cried - and cried some more - over my grades, the material I'm required to know, the inability to study & stay caught up all the while trying to educate my own kids. The feelings of incompetence, inadequacy, and extreme MOM GUILT are a very real, daily struggle. It's been so hard.


I've got to learn to give myself some grace.

My classes are insane. The material is so overwhelming and it's all being crammed into this last week of classes, then it's finals the week after.

My kids are bored. My autistic son doesn't understand why we can't go places like we normally do or buy special toys anymore. They're cooped up in this tiny house with no space of their own to retreat to.

It's all been a stressful culmination of events with the added stresses of still having bills to pay with little to no money coming in and no real knowledge on when we'll all be able to work again.


Have I yelled and screamed at everyone in my house more often than normal?
Absolutely.

Have I cried on the daily?
Yes.

Have I had more frequent days of staying in bed - literally all day - when the kids are with their dads - because my emotional and mental health felt completely depleted?
You bet your bottom, I did.

Have I gained weight due to my lack of exercise and stress eating?
One look at my additional chins should tell you that is NOT a lie.

Could I have handled the hurtful, and stressful situations I have encountered lately better?
Absolutely yes.


I fail at things daily... multiple times a day.  I feel each and everyone of those failures tenfold - especially when it involves lashing out at my kids and loved ones.

It's hard. I feel a lot of guilt. I feel like an inadequate mom more often than not these days.

But I'm trying to give myself a daily reminder - and my friends have been great at reminding me too - that this situation wasn't anything we could have adequately prepared for. It's okay to be a Hot Mess. It's okay to breakdown. It's okay to lose your temper. It's okay to not have all the answers.


We're doing the best we can.

You're doing the best you can.

I am doing the best I can,

... and that is all that's being asked of us to do.

Real Talk: Parenting + Autism

My oldest is loud, boisterous, energetic, dramatic, spastic, and silly about 99.7% of the time.

She’s rarely ever quiet... unless she’s asleep or not feeling well.

I love that about her.

She makes me laugh constantly - even when I’m mad or frustrated with her, I can’t help but laugh at some of the silly things she does or says.
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My youngest has sensory issues.
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Tonight I experienced a real LIGHT BULB Moment:

Her loud, overly-dramatic, hyper-activity - more often than not - triggers his sensory issues.
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No wonder life seems so stressful and chaotic when we’re all home together.
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When they leave for their dads’ - I tend to hole up in my bedroom to decompress and sleep as much as I can.  I didn’t understand why I felt so depleted or why I could literally stay in bed all. dang. day. on the days they weren’t here if I didn’t have work or school stuff to get me out of bed.  I didn’t understand any of that until tonight.

What started as a mildly stressful evening quickly escalated to an uncomfortable tension that ended with all of us being sent to separate corners of the house for a few minutes to regroup and decompress.

A Positive that came from it:
I opted to turn it all into a teachable moment.
I had her look up “sensory issues” and “autism”.
I made her read what she found out loud and then asked her what she took away from what she had just read.  I asked her to apply it to her and her brother.

I shared with her some of the thought processes and constant worries I struggle with privately.
- Daily worries about his nutrition.
- Daily worries about his safety.
- Daily worries about his education and his future.

I told her about the process I started months ago of trying to get her brother qualified for other therapies outside of school to increase his chances of living and leading a normal life.
- Endless phone calls, emails, and applications.
- Incessant research for information and resources.
- The constant worry of: Am I doing the right thing? Am I doing enough?
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Tonight could have easily been a train wreck.
We all could have gone to bed angry, hurt, frustrated, and sad.
But because I was able to share some of my biggest fears, concerns, and failures as a mother with my daughter, things were diffused from a place of utter frustration to a place of understanding.
I’m blessed that she was open to listening.  She truly wanted to gain a better understanding about her brother’s issues.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again:
Mom-ing ain’t easy, but I am feeling so lucky that I get to be their Mom.

Unlovable

3 years ago today, a dream of mine died. 

Prince.  

It may sound silly, but Prince was my one HUGE, maybe even unattainable, goal in my career as a makeup artist.  He truly was the driving force behind my wanting to be a makeup artist.  

What can I say?  I've always told myself to dream BIG.

3 years ago...    My biggest dream died.  

Not long after that, my dream of being happily married and content with my ex-husband died as well.

I officially abandoned my marriage in November of 2016.

It wasn't an easy decision.  I struggled - and still am struggling - with the decision. 

 Did I do the right thing?  Are my kids going to be okay?  Are we all going to be okay?

2017 rolled in.  

That July, I miraculously was able to close on my first home...  alone.

Business was steady.  

I was still part-timing at the local beauty boutique I had been part-timing with for the last 10 years.

Life was manageable for the most part.  

2018 rolled in.  

I was happy.  

I was working like crazy... and those of you who know me, know that I'm happiest when I'm being productive and making money to take care of my family.

I think it was sometime in late March or early April that we got the news of our store's plan to close.  

For several of us, it felt like the rug of security had been yanked right out from under our feet.  - Not only that, but the way the company handled the last few weeks was pure hell on the few of us that agreed to stay on till the very end.  It was miserable and felt like a huge slap in the face - especially after I had given so much of my time, talent, and life to the company.

Mother's Day was the last day open.  I worked my last shift and vowed never to go back to the company no matter how hard times got.  I was done.

It was during that last month that I had made the decision to go back to college and pursue my Nursing degree.  It was something I had gone back and forth with over the past several years.  Losing my job just gave me the proverbial kick in the ass to finally do it.  

That August, Xander started a full-time Pre-K program, and I started my first semester back at college after a 20 plus year hiatus.  

I feel like that's when everything started unraveling.  

The stress of school, single-mom-ing, homework, finances, passing Statistics... literally made me feel like I was certifiably crazy.

I didn't realize it at the time, but losing my job had been a huge blow to my self-esteem.  

My freelancing career had also taken a few blows.

Photographers that had used me as their first call makeup artist for the past several years started calling other artists.

I started feeling obsolete.  Like my time as a legitimate makeup artist was up.  

I fell into a deeper depression and sought help from medical professionals.  

I started seeing my therapist again.  She suggested seeing a psychiatrist. 

I started a new mood-stabilizing medication.  I purchased a light therapy lamp.  I started several supplements and CBD oil.  I was fighting to get better.

I finalized my first semester back with an A, and 2 B's... and 3 small circular bald patches on my scalp from the stress of it all.

The holidays came and went.  

2019 rolled in.

Slow season was / has been slower than any past slow season I've experienced in the 12 years I've been a professional makeup artist.  

My second semester started and I quickly realized that this Anatomy & Physiology class was going to be the straw that breaks the mama-llama's back...  and it did, and it has.  

If making shitty grades and failing every single test in a class that you're actually studying and trying to do well in doesn't make you feel like a hardcore loser, I don't know what will.  It's been a struggle to say the least.

The semester is almost over.  Less than 2 weeks left.  I've decided to take the summer off from classes to rest and regroup.

My relationship has taken a direct hit from all the highs and very low lows of the past year and a half.  

"I used to be happy," he says.  

He's absolutely right.  

I used to know exactly what direction I wanted my life to go.

I had substantial goals and BIG dreams. 

I rarely had to worry about not having enough work on the books.

I used to be in a position to help people, and to help animals.

I wasn't a struggling college student racking up student loan debt, worrying about whether or not I am smart enough to actually become a nurse.

I used to be happy...  but I've been stuck in this downward spiral that I haven't been able to pull myself out of.  

Dreamless...  

Listless...  

Loveless...

A Prayer of My Heart

A man who will take me to church with him every week.

A man who prays for me and with me.

A man who is proud to claim me: in person, in public, on social media, in times of temptation.

A man who plans ahead and carves out time for the 2 of us to reconnect.

A man who loves my children as his own, sees the importance of weekly family nights spent together and makes adjustments to schedules to make it happen - without fail.

A man who will cook with me, and dance with me in the kitchen.

A man who will fight for me, and with me - in a healthy, loving way - and not allow us to go to bed angry. 

A man who will be a partner, a confidant, a best friend.  My safe place.  My person.

2019

First and foremost, I'm just so thankful to be alive. 

Last year wasn't as much of a doozie of a year for me as it was for some of my other friends, but it was definitely filled with many changes, trials and tribulations.

I didn't write many blogs last year...  mainly because I didn't have much down time, nor did I have the extra mental capacity to put my thoughts down into any kind of coherent form.  Seriously...  I'm amazed (and forever grateful) that my boyfriend hung in there by my side despite all of the crazy.  

***First Semester Back after 20+ Years**

So yeah, last year, I got the proverbial kick in the ass I needed to FINALLY pursue going back to college.  The company I had part-timed with for 10 years closed the store I was working at and didn't want to pay me what I'm worth to move to one of the other locations.

I didn't realize it then, but that whole transition effected me much deeper than I thought it did/could/would.  It was like I had been stabbed in the heart.  I had given so much of myself... my time, my talent, my energy - to this company, and after everything, they just didn't see the worth of keeping me on board.

The store closed in May...  I started school in August.  I went into the semester optimistic and despite all the challenges I encountered during those few months, I finished strong.

***My Personal Struggles with Depression***

In the middle of my semester, I had some personal struggles with depression, anxiety and stress. I restarted therapy and counseling.  At the recommendation of my therapist, I made an appointment to see a psychiatrist just to be sure the combination of anti-depression and anti-anxiety meds I was currently getting from my general practitioner were the right combo for me.  I actually just had that first appointment with the psychiatrist today.  She's prescribed me a mood-stabilizing medication to take along with the anti-depressant/anxiety medication I'm already on.  So now we just have to wait and see how it works for me.

Therapy has helped a ton, especially since I've always been notorious for bottling everything up and speaking to no one about my problems.  - And in the midst of juggling classes, homework, raising Littles, and still trying to work on occasion, many of my friendships had fallen to the wayside due to lack of free time.

So while I was in the throes of scheduled chaos (aka Classes, Single Moming, Working), I started listening to several podcasts, as well as a couple of self-help books during my commute into and from school.  The act of honing in and focusing on real conversations about real life trials and victories definitely helped me so freaking much.  I also purchased a therapy light and that has had a noticeably positive effect on my emotional well-being.

Though I've been trying to better manage my personal struggles to the best of my ability, Emily just pointed out on Sunday that I have a bald spot on my scalp from stress-related hair loss.  So with that discovery, I've set into motion some plans to help me better manage my stress with the coming year.

***My Littles***

Emily and Xander both are doing great in school.  Emily will be 14 at the end of this month.  And Xander just celebrated his 5th birthday in December.  His speech has just taken off.  He's adjusted to the blended classroom setting at his current school and is doing very well.  We are currently working hard on toilet training - which has been a challenge.  But we're working on it and we're making progress so that's all I can ask for.

***My Intentions for 2019***

1. To be intentional about self-care.  

What this looks like to me:

- Exercising more frequently - not to be skinny - but just to be healthy.

- Opting to workout / be active when I'm feeling stressed or anxiety-ridden.

- Slowing down my "Yes" and actually saying "No" to situations that will cause more stress than enjoyment in my life - whether it be work, or play - and NOT feeling guilty or like I have to provide some long-winded explanation as to why.

- Finding a church home for myself and my kids.

- Scheduling and actually taking them - mental breaks - a weekend off, a massage, or spa day, budget-friendly mini-vacations.

2. To continue this journey of emotional healing.

- Continue to go to therapy.

- Continue to share my story.

- Continue to keep moving forward.

3. Apply and get accepted into a nursing program by Fall semester.

- Take my 3 classes Spring semester.  Finish with all A's & B's.

- Take A&P 2 Summer A, then Microbiology Summer B.

4. Get Xander fully toilet trained and ready for Kindergarten in the Fall.  

5. To lose some weight.

- Finding a meal prep plan & schedule that is easy to maintain when school and life get bananas.

- Get a grasp on my A1C levels, reverse this diabetes diagnosis, and get off of Metformin.

- Schedule workouts on the calendar and treat them with the same importance as I do client / work obligations.

6. To make more time for fun.

- With my kids.

- With my friends.

- With myself.

7. To pick my battles more carefully.  

- Alter my over-analyzing habits.

- Redirect my insecurities.

8. Be more positive.

- Surround myself with positive, energetic people.

- Be more intentional about what I put out into the universe.  

- If I wouldn't say it to a friend, then don't say it about myself.

Nobody Said it Was Easy.

I've been crying on and off for most of the past two days.

I can't really pinpoint why, but I just feel so fragile.

... so alone...

... so lost...

This was my first official week being off after the past crazy 6 weeks of hell at the market.

I slept a lot.  - And I mean A LOT.

I needed it.

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I don't think anyone grows up thinking, "I'm going to get married, then divorced, then remarried, then divorced again, and buy my first home as a single mom of 2, and maybe, you know, decide to abandon my career of 11 years and go back to school to change careers - yet again - after my 39th birthday."

- But here I am.

Things are moving along though.

I've started the process of getting things set to go back to school in the Fall.  I'm finally going to pursue nursing. 

I've been doing makeup and hair professionally for 11 years now...  and I've seen this industry become so saturated as of late.  I'm tired of hustling so hard and seeing other newbie artists getting amazing gigs just because of who they know.

It's sad... and sobering... and has made me reevaluate my skill set and talent from every single angle - and even second guess myself... making me doubt myself, and question if I'm even good enough to be doing makeup anymore.

It's a real crummy feeling.

But I've made peace with the fact that my dream of going on the road with an artist just isn't going to happen right now...  and even if it did, I don't have the support system around me and the kids any longer to allow me to go.

So that being said, I've got my kids to raise and ultimately just want to be able to afford them a comfortable life.

- And lately, it's been a struggle to do just that.
 
My house has a long list of things that need work on or repairs or remodeling...  and I have zero ideas on where to start or how to begin.

I don't have a dad...  or a brother... or handy DIY-savvy friends to help me tackle projects.

I can't even get one of my ex-husband's to come help me move a freaking table from work... even after offering to pay them for their time AND fill up their gas tank in their trucks.

I purchased a new sofa and loveseat set last week and I've had to enlist the help of my freaking lawn guy just to arrange getting it to the house sometime this upcoming week.

So yeah, these past couple of weeks have been eye opening in a lot of different ways.

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Making a house into a livable, stable home wasn't meant to be a one person job.

Raising little humans wasn't meant to be a one person job either.  - And having a child with speech delays makes it even more challenging and exhausting at times.

It really does take a village.

...and trust...

...and reliability...

- But that last one seems to be the big kicker.

I don't know why it still surprises me...  because it really was never there to begin with.
- Facebook "On this Day" is a constant reminder of that.

This speech program Xander's been in for the past month is doing amazing things for him.  I see it - and hear it - every single day I get to spend with Xander.  - You'd think getting him there every. single. day. would be a no-brainer, right? 

- But again, why am I surprised?

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I keep looking for change.

I keep expecting change.

- And I think that's where my problem lies...

"The best way to avoid disappointment is to not expect anything for anyone."

Expectations lead to disappointment.

Disappointment robs my life of joy.

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If I accept that I don't have a village...

If I accept that I no longer have anyone to have expectations of...

If I accept that it's just me...

- then there won't be anyone else that's able to let me down... except for me.

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I'm on my own.

I'm making the necessary changes in my life to better my situation long term for me and my kids.

It's not going to be easy.

But I'm feeling somewhat ready to accept the changes and embrace the process with God's help.
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2018

#GoalDigger

No resolutions.  No specific order.

Just a list of things I'd like to embrace, accomplish, and achieve throughout this year.

I've been thinking on this post for several days now.

Posting it here for transparency and accountability's sake.


1) Practice - and make a habit of - loving myself first - where ever I am, just as I am.
  - Physically:  It's so easy to pick my appearance completely apart at any given moment.  - Whether it be those ever-present forehead wrinkles, that extra chin flab, the way my jeans squeeze my love handles up and out, how the back of my arms jiggle when I'm teasing a client's hair.

- It's all a work in progress though.  So as long as I'm making an effort to work on the things I am able to change about my body, I am trying to reprogram my thought patterns to be kinder to myself and to just keep moving forward without releasing those negatively-charged thoughts into my universe.

  - Mentally & Emotionally: I'm a person who struggles with depression and anxiety.  I have major insecurities, hang-ups, and quirks that make it hard for me to open up to people outside of my friend circle.  I'm extremely emotional.  I cry all the time... when I'm sad, frustrated, exhausted, happy, excited, proud, touched.

  For several years leading up to the separation, I made myself numb.  I stopped fighting.  I stopped crying.  I stopped caring...  all because I either wasn't being heard, or I was made to feel silly for being upset over whatever it was I was upset over.

  I don't want to lose that part of myself again.  I feel better when I'm able to cry freely without being judged or told to "suck it up" or to "be a big girl" about it.  - So this year is the year, I want to own feeling what I feel when I feel it... not to numb it, or dumb it down, or self-medicate with alcohol, drugs, or meaningless relationships.  I want to feel it all and not be ashamed of being overly-emotional.  I want to be proud of myself for allowing myself to feel without worrying how others perceive me or about whether or not they approve of my crazy-emotional-self.  This past year and a half has been tremendously cathartic in the sense that I've cried more than I have in the 5 years prior.  I've allowed myself to feel and be felt and be heard again.  I'm well on my way to figuring out who and what I'm supposed to be now as a single mother of 2...  not a married mother of 2 kids, a nephew and a man-child of a husband.  (No offense to my ex if he's reading this...  these were MY feelings towards the end of our marriage, not facts.)


2) Prioritize self-care - for me and me alone.
  - This means not talking myself out of those unnecessary massage appointments, or much-needed manicures / pedicures, or pushing those cut & color hair appointments to every 6 months instead of every 6-8 weeks.

  - I was discussing motherhood and all the transitions moms go through with a new mom the other day.  It made me realize that most new moms - and moms who have another baby - all go through a period of time after having said baby where they feel frumpy or just don't really care about their appearance.  Sleep takes precedence. But most of them bounce back to being their version of "normal" sometime within that first year post-baby-birthing.

   After Xander, I definitely felt like a frumpy ass mom.  I nursed for 16 months.  Nursing attire isn't exactly the most flattering.  Feeling like a literal cow being milked every few hours.  Not having your body - or your boobs - to yourself.  The only touching of your breasts were by your baby or the breast pump.  My breasts had become purely functional.

   But even after I stopped nursing, I still didn't bounce back.  I never did anything to my hair.  It was always up in a ponytail or a bun.   I only did my makeup when I was going to work...  and even then it was super minimal and very toned down.  Sleep was still taking precedence.  - And I felt selfish asking for time to myself so I could get ready for work without my baby being attached to me.

   I struggled with aging gracefully.  I obsessed over looking age appropriate.  I worried if I wore too much makeup when I was out with my kids that I would be viewed negatively by other moms.  I convinced myself I was too old to do a smoky dramatic eye look on myself.  - That I had too many wrinkles to wear highlighter.  - That I was too old to wear a dark lip color.

   I think I started trying to force myself out of that frumpy-dumpy period in 2016.  I had a real hair appointment with a new hair stylist at a new salon on my 37th birthday.  I spent about 4 hours at the salon that day.  Spending more than an hour doing something for myself - without my kids - was not something I did...  EVER.  I told my hair stylist that I needed something very low maintenance and that I could only commit to touchup appointments every 8 weeks or so.

 
  In the fall of the prior year, I had picked up running again but with the hotter temperatures and the humidity, my runs were getting more and more sporadic.  So I joined the local gym a couple of months after my birthday and started going to the gym in the mornings after I'd drop Em off at school.  I didn't feel guilty for taking an hour for myself because most mornings Xander and his dad both would still be asleep while I was gone.

 
  - I got gift certificates for mani/pedis and massages from the kids and my ex pretty regularly.  I think after Mother's Day, I started making regular bi-weekly appointments for those services as well.

  - Anyway, I say all that because I'm now approaching my 39th birthday, Xander just turned 4, and I feel that I've only recently - within the last year - have really bounced back and found myself again after being stuck in that "Frumpy Dumpy Mom" stage.

  Most days now, I do take the time to wand or wave my hair with a flat iron, granted I don't wash my hair everyday anymore so once I style it, the next day's hair is minimal work.

  I have started being comfortable wearing more makeup again.  I don't shy away from doing a dramatic smoky eye look on myself anymore.  I've purchased non-conventional eyeliner colors that I wear on a regular basis.  I have comfortably worn a dark, bold lip to work and then to the grocery store with my kids and not felt embarrassed or self-conscious about it.

  Self-care isn't something to be ashamed or embarrassed of.  I feel better when I take the time to do the things that make me look and feel better.  Whether it be a long bath, a hair appointment to color and hide all the grays that are showing, or just throwing on a little winged eyeliner and a red lip... I can take better care of those I love when I feel better about myself.


3) To be able to fit into my skinny jeans.
  - This has been on my New Years list for several years now.  Every year I haven't made it happen.  This year is going to be the year.  I've set some hefty fitness goals for myself.  Prioritize workouts. Meal plan.  No excuses.


4) Make a solid decision about furthering my education... or not.
  - To commit to going back to school or not.  I feel like every year I toss the idea around and then completely abandon it.  I've been praying for some direction and answers lately and have even looked into some programs.
  It really just boils down to whether or not I feel like I'm using my God-Given talents to their full potential right now.  Is makeup what I'm called to do or is this just an avenue to get me to the next thing?  Ideally, I'm praying to have made a decision / commitment by Fall of this year.


5) Volunteer more.
  - I want to get plugged in somewhere and start giving back to the community...  I do a lot for dogs, but I want to do more for PEOPLE.  Specifically women and teens.  Reaching out to Thistle Farms this week.  Would appreciate any feedback or advice on organizations that might be good for me to look into.


6) Find a church to call home.
 - I've been visiting, but haven't committed to any one church as of yet.


7) Take some classes - just for fun.
  - An art class, a sewing class, a cooking class, a dance class, a DIY class.


8) Home Improvements / DIYing
 - Firstly, I need to paint the walls of this house.  I have all the paint, just ZERO motivation to do it by myself.  I'm going to schedule a paint party and all my friends better come.  Ha!
 - I also want to start tackling all those little things on the home inspection that need to be addressed.  I've always been apprehensive about doing things like that on my own, but I need to get over my fears and just start somewhere.  So, many trips to Home Depot are in my near future.
 - Lastly, I'd like to finally be able to afford putting a fence in.  So I can save more dogs, of course.  Ha!


9) Schedule more time off, mental breaks and mini vacations.
  - We all know I'm a workaholic.  If I'm not working, it's only because I have the kids at home with me.  Mental breaks and mini vacations have never been a priority for me.  This is the year that's going to change.  Hold me accountable.  If I start complaining about working too much, throw chocolate at me and tell me to get lost for a couple of days.  Seriously.


10) Say "Yes" & Say "No".
  - Say "Yes" to doing more things with friends.  Make time for coffee.  Have an impromptu girls day with your bestie or with Em.  Goat Yoga.  Barre class with Holly.  Pole with Steph.  Less excuses.  Make time.
  - Say "No" to cleaning up messes that you didn't make, to mom, to those last minute gigs that come up for the days you already blocked off for personal down time. 


11) Focus on just being happy. 
Pray more.  Worry less.
Choose my battles.  Argue and fight way, WAY less.
Be kinder than necessary.
Look for something good in everyone.
Give compliments freely.
Less "Dumpy Donuts" and don't be a "Debbie Downer".
Be a positive infectious force.
Kick butt, take names.